My Experience With The Perfection Trap

I have fallen into the perfection trap for most of my life and this is what I have learned.

The need for extreme perfection in any aspect of your life is a set up for disaster. Why? Because an exact type of perfection is nonexistent, therefore, achieving it is impossible.

We all have general ideas of what we believe is “perfect” in terms of ourselves whether it be in regards to body image, career, social life, family, personality, etc.

However, most of those ideal images of perfection are based on societal stereotypes, opinions/pressure from family or peers, or even from the pressure you put on yourself.

The perfection trap is a dangerous trap to be in. It works on two levels: emotionally and the mind.

When you experience this, your mind works to push you to think you need to be perfect or need to obtain a certain level of something in order to be successful or for something to look the way you want it to. Most of the time that will never be exactly the way you think it needs to be. Overall, your mind fills your consciousness with thoughts of perfectionism. The quantity of those thoughts may be different depending on how severe this is.

However, it is also emotional. There is an emotional connection to falling into the perfection trap; a reason for feeling things have to be perfect. It could be the need to prove yourself, feeling you aren’t good enough, pressure from others or from yourself, and so on.

Your mind creates the thought of perfection and your emotions connect it to the need to fulfill a deep desire. If you can pinpoint the emotional connection it becomes easier to disregard or refute thoughts of perfection when they come up.

It is also important to note that perfectionism is not the same as OCD. OCD is categorized as obsessions and compulsions which is not always found with someone who has a perfectionist personality. Perfectionists are more so often very critical of themselves and/or others when they see that they are not fitting their standards of perfection.

“Perfectionism is a dangerous state of mind in an imperfect world.” — Robert Hillyer

I have struggled with the perfection trap for most of my life.

One of my biggest internal struggles has always been my battle with my perfectionist personality. The earliest I ever remember this being an issue was in fourth grade.

I felt a need to be the most perfect child, I had to always do the right thing and I believed that being a perfect student went along with that. Therefore, it started with me wanting to do well in everything in school. I would get upset with myself for getting bad grades.

My parents were never hard on me for needing to get good grades it was something I put on myself.

So in fourth grade, when I would have a big test the next day I would get so nervous and unconsciously put an overwhelming amount of pressure on myself to perform well. This pressure for perfection led to me always getting sick the night before a big test.

I learned that this was performance pressure or the need to perform perfectly. This happened often to me that year and it took some time to realize that I wasn’t actually sick.

After long nights of staying up with my mom talking about what I was feeling, we realized that this was all connected to the pressure I was putting on myself. The thoughts of needing to perform perfectly triggered an emotional response to where I feared the possibility of not meeting my expectations (the mind and emotional levels of the trap).

After some time, this pattern stopped, and talking it out helped me.

However, I have still had struggles with this perfection trap up to this day. The difference is that I am more aware of it so that I can work through it on my own to ensure I don’t let it get to that point ever again.

I still have more to work on and at times I still find myself in that need for perfection but it is nowhere near where I was in fourth grade.

Now, I find the perfectionist side of me coming out most during times of planning, change, and arranging but not to as much of an extreme.

I’ve also come to love this part of me. I enjoy small things of my own version of perfection. This means I don’t base it off on what I feel others will expect of me. However, it is only enjoyable when it’s not accompanied by critical thoughts and I don’t pair it with an expectation or an emotional response that leads to stress and anxiety. When it’s this way it’s more of a want rather than a need.

Without that part of it, it’s mostly harmless. However, you have to be careful of this because for someone who is a big perfectionist the smallest need for something to be perfect can trigger that emotional response. You have to bring awareness to your actions. If you feel you can not live without acting on your perfectionist thought that is where there will be an issue.

Overall, the perfection trap can be a difficult place to be in especially for those with a big perfectionist personality. However, there is a way to come out of it and still be organized without having the pressure for things to be an exact way.

The most amazing part about being human is that there is no actual specific perfection that we all have to follow. Each of us has our own versions of imperfect perfections which is what makes us unique in the world.

Putting such pressure and expectations on yourself only make your life more stressful and unhappy. So if you have any type of perfectionism in you that causes you stress, anxiety, or fear it will help to learn where that need for perfectionism is coming from so you can get past that.

Letting things go and releasing control over things will not leave your life in shambles. Rather, it will free you up of the restriction your life may be in.

It’s okay not to be “perfect” all the time, you can still be successful, beautiful, and, worthy without the constant pressure for perfectionism.

Sincerely,

Skylar Rae🌻❤️

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