How to Communicate With Someone Who May be Suicidal
**I am not a mental health professional. I am a certified QPR Gatekeeper. Therefore, I have been trained in suicide prevention and crisis intervention.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54.
The total amount of deaths by suicide increases each year and the rates have also been increasing a lot since the start of COVID-19.
Suicide is a very difficult topic for people to talk about, read about, and even think about. However, it doesn’t disappear just by ignoring it. In 2019, there were 12 million adults who had thoughts about suicide but that doesn’t even include children and adolescents.
It can be challenging to talk to someone who may be suicidal because it is a sensitive topic. This is why it is important to be able to recognize the signs and learn how to approach the conversation beforehand.
First, it is important to know what the possible warning signs of suicide are so you are aware when people around you begin showing them.
Possible warning signs of suicide:
- Talking about wanting to kill oneself or looking for a way to kill oneself
- Talking about feeling hopeless or has no purpose
- Feeling trapped or a burden to others
- Increase in alcohol or drug usage
- Sleeping too little or too much
- Withdrawing or feeling isolated
- Extreme mood swings
- Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless
- Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
- Withdrawing or feeling isolated
After you spot these signs in someone you may find yourself contemplating if you should approach the individual and if so how to approach them in an effective way. The method that I will share with you is one I learned in my QPR certification training.
QPR stands for Question, Persuade, and Refer.
It is a simple and effective 3-step process that can help you learn awareness, empathy, and understanding to save a life from suicide.
1. QUESTION
How do you ask someone if they are contemplating suicide? First, start by approaching the individual with a question.
You can use direct questions or indirect questions. This all depends on what YOU are more comfortable with because if you are uncomfortable in the conversation then the other person will not want to open up to you.
Examples of direct questions: “Are you thinking about suicide or killing yourself?”, “When some people are as upset as you seem to be they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you are feeling that way too?”
Examples of indirect questions: “Have you been unhappy lately”, “Do you wish you could ever go to sleep and not wake up?”
If they say they do have suicidal thoughts, you can also ask if they have a plan. This will help you to understand how serious they are about suicide.
Location is also important. Make sure it is in a private place so the individual does not feel put on the spot. Create a safe space where you can listen to them without judgment. Make sure you have enough time to talk so you don’t cut them off and make them feel their time is not important.
It is also important to not force the individual to answer your question or get angry at them for their answer. This will shut them down even more and decrease any chance of them reaching out to you again.
If they don’t want to answer, respect that and reassure them that they can come to you at any time.
Sometimes just noticing what they may be going through and showing you are willing to help them is enough. Therefore, continue to do small things to show your support and love towards them like giving them a hug, asking them how they are doing or seeing if they want to spend time doing something they love together. In time, they may be more comfortable talking to you or someone but continue to keep an eye on them.
Lastly, when asking a question you should ask it in a way you see fit for your relationship. If you cannot ask the question then find someone who can.
2. PERSUADE
There are three parts to this step: listen, understand, and validate.
Listen actively by focusing your attention on the person and what they have to say at the moment. Show you are paying attention by keeping eye contact and attentive body language (head nodding).
Also, do not cut them off when they are speaking. Let them say all they need to before you respond.
Understanding includes giving empathy and checking for clarification if needed. We can’t assume we understand what others are going through but we can have empathy towards their circumstance and feelings by acknowledging them. With empathy also try to approach the conversation with an open mind and an open heart.
To check for clarification you can paraphrase what the other person said. Example… Them: “I don’t know why I should continue working this hard if no one cares”. You: “It sounds like you feel like no one appreciates you?”
Validate by letting them know you hear what they are saying and have the patience to let them talk freely. Try not to give them advice on how to make their circumstance better. Instead, just affirm their feelings and provide a space they can talk about their feelings in without judgment.
Examples of validation: “you have been going through a lot”, “that must be very frustrating”, “these life changes can be so overwhelming”
3. REFER
If they are open to it, refer them to resources to help them get more help. These can be mental health professionals, a hotline number, or any other professional resources that can help them.
Again, do not force this either. At this time all they might need is just someone to talk to about what they are going through.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255
To chat online with a crisis counselor click this link: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ (this can be anonymous)
Some last tips to keep in mind when in conversation are to avoid getting angry or frustrated, do not make it about you, do not blame the individual or say they are wrong for feeling the way they do, and do not downplay what they share.
Remember, you do not need to be the person to fix everything they are going through.
This process of communicating is only the first step but a very important one. It can be scary or uncomfortable reaching out to someone about suicide but it has to happen in order to prevent it.
You do not have to be the person that talks to the individual but if you are worried they are having suicidal thoughts, find someone who is comfortable having this conversation and don’t ignore it.
Sincerely,
Skylar Rae🌻❤️
To learn more about QPR or to become a gatekeeper click this link: https://qprinstitute.com/about-qpr
Follow my Instagram for more soul enlightenment, mental health, and personal development — @skylarraeblog
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