A Lesson in Life Cycles

About a year and a half ago I had to move back home due to COVID.

I was finally feeling like I was getting comfortable living away from home, in an apartment, with my friends. And then the rug was pulled out from under me quicker than I could think when I was told I have to leave.

From that moment, everything changed for me.

The past 17 months have been one of the most interesting, challenging, heartbreaking, and gifted times of my life.

And for such a big part of it, I dreamed, hoped, and prayed that soon enough I would be able to move back to school. Have my independence and freedom in a place I loved to be.

For so long I cried over it, whined about it, sat in misery about it; that was the one thing I yearned so badly for. It felt like my soul was craving the escape that I no longer had and it was difficult.

And now it’s happened. I moved back to school a few days ago and am in the position I’ve been missing for so long.

But I’m here and although it’s great and there is a sense of great content in it, there’s also something different about it.

What’s different is me.

Not only did I go through a challenging time with coming home from COVID but I also experienced more pain, sadness, confusion, and heartache than I have in my entire life.

Because of that, I have done an immense amount of healing and awakening that I was not in a place to do before.

But because of that, there is now a part of me that has feared moving away from home. Not because I don’t want to and not because I’m not capable but because before I knew exactly what I was doing. Now that so much time has gone by and so much has changed a part of me feels like this change is not just about going to school anymore.

I’ve been in this endless cycle of pain. I was in the center of it, the eye of the storm. The thought of being out of that is great but how do I function when I’m not in it anymore? How can I move forward when it’s still there just not in my face?

Life is full of phases and cycles, each one is like a chapter in a book. I’ve been living in an intense cycle.

But not all of it has been bad.

Like I mentioned, I have done some intense work on myself because with everything that has come up this last year and a half I noticed things that need to be changed within myself.

Now, the challenge for me is how to stay consistent in the work I’ve done and not go back as the place I’ve built this foundation on is changing.

I know how to live away from home but how do I live away from home as this newer version of myself?

See, everything I have gone through, learned, felt, and experienced has taken me only as far as I could have gone in the last cycle of my life at home.

There’s uncertainty, yes. But there is also certainty in the thought that I am moving at the exact point I am meant to because I experienced and worked through all I could during that cycle of my life.

Looking back, looking present, and looking at what I hope for in the future I feel a sense of ease. This is because 17 months ago I was heartbroken coming home, I saw no benefit in it. But as I am now able to look back, I see multiple benefits even though there are heartbreaking things still going on.

But even with that, I realize that there is always a greater purpose. It is time to trust that. It is time for you to trust that. Trust that you won’t always know when but you can find out why.

As there is an ending in your life, there is always a beginning.

As one cycle ends, a new one begins. And with every new beginning comes an opportunity to start fresh while still bringing along the important things from the past and leaving behind what no longer serves you.

❤️🌻 Thank you for reading!

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